


BNA Incorrect Quotes

by SunsetCorvid



Category: BNA: Brand New Animal (Anime)
Genre: A little bit of chaos, F/F, I Tried, I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, I should stop tagging stuff, Incorrect Quotes, Marie is just there, Melissa’s here too, Michiru And Nazuna are gay, Shirou is Michiru’s dad, and shirou is like her dad, enjoy the quotes, everyone has adopted michiru, hhhh, i'm just gonna tag my headcanons, ight im done tagging, marie and shirou are friends now, marie is like michiru's mom, marie is probably bisexual, michiru is neurodivergent, shirou is aroace, sorry if it's a bit OOC, that may be me self-projecting a bit but eh, they both individually take care of michiru, this is getting long, what is life?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:26:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25243117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunsetCorvid/pseuds/SunsetCorvid
Summary: Just some incorrect quotes. Most of them include Michiru, Nazuna, and Shirou.
Relationships: Hiwatashi Nazuna & Ogami Shirou, Hiwatashi Nazuna/Kagemori Michiru, Kagemori Michiru & Ogami Shirou
Comments: 68
Kudos: 406





	1. (1)

**Michiru:** It’s really muggy out today.

**Shirou:** If I go outside and all our mugs are on the front yard, I’ll kill you.

**Michiru:** *Sips coffee from bowl*

* * *

**Michiru, pointing to Shirou:** You are my dad~ You’re my dad! Boogie Woogie Woogie!

* * *

**Michiru:** The food is too hot, and I can’t eat it.

**Nazuna:** You’re too hot and I still eat you.

**Michiru:** *blushes* 

**Nazuna:** *winks*

**Shirou:** One dinner. I just want ONE DINNER.

* * *

**Michiru:** Can we get McDonald’s?

**Shirou:** Michiru, I’m making dinner at home.

**Michiru, tearing up:** I hate this fucking family.

* * *

** (Shirou after loosing Michiru at the store.) **

**Shirou:** Have you seen my daughter?

**Shirou:** She’s about this tall, blue hair, blue eyes.

**Shirou:** Clearly gay, but we haven’t had the talk.

* * *

**Shirou, holding Michiru close:** I’ve only had Michiru for a day and a half, but if anything were to happen to her, I’d kill everyone in this room and then myself.

* * *

**Shirou:** How tall are you?

**Michiru:** Height is a social construct.

**Shirou:** So, you’re short.

* * *

**Shirou:** Why is your report card on the ceiling?

**Michiru:** You told me to bring my grades up.

**Shirou:** ...

**Michiru:** ...

**Shirou:** I did say that. Now, let me see-

* * *

**Michiru:** Literally name one thing that’s better than a dog.

**Nazuna:** Two dogs.

**Michiru:** ...

**Michiru:** Holy shit.

* * *

**Melissa:** Why did you give Michiru a knife?

**Shirou:** She felt unsafe.

**Melissa:** Well, now I feel unsafe!

**Shirou:** Sorry.

**Shirou:** ...

**Shirou:** Would you like a knife?

* * *

**Nazuna:** So, I’ve found a foolproof method of finding out if someone is evil or not.

**Shirou:** Oh? And that is?

**Nazuna:** If they dislike Michiru, they’re evil.

**Shirou:** Yeah, that’s pretty solid logic.

* * *

**Shirou:** *gets pulled over*

**Cop:** Papers.

**Shirou:** Scissors. 

**Shirou:** *Drives off*

* * *

**Marie:** So, how old were you guys when you found out Santa wasn’t real?

**Michiru, whispering to Nazuna:** How old are we?

**Nazuna:** We’re 18.

**Michiru:** I was 18.

* * *

**Michiru:** Welcome to my first vlog in which I try different hair products.

**Michiru:** *Sprays hairspray into mouth*

**Michiru:** Well, right off the bat, I could you that this one is not very good.

* * *

** (Marie, after preforming surgery on someone.) **

**Marie:** Bad news.

**Patient:** Oh no.

**Marie:** I’m not a doctor.

**Patient:** But, you just gave me surgery-

**Marie, in a whiny voice:** BuT yOu JuSt GaVe Me- Shut the fuck up, that’s the bad news.

* * *

**Marie:** Today’s show is sponsored by Knife!

**Marie:** Need to cut something? Use Knife!

**Marie:** Need to poke a hole in another thing? Try using Knife!

**Marie:** Have one thing and want it to become two or smaller things?

**Marie:** You could try Saw. Saw sometimes works.

**Marie:** But other times? You need Knife!

* * *

**Michiru, texting Shirou:** Dad, there’s a moth on the outside of the bathroom door, can you get it?

**Michiru:** Please hurry, I'm going to cry.

**Michiru:** Dad?

**Michru:** Dad!

**Shirou:** Dad is dead. You’re next. Love, moth.

* * *

**Michiru, @ any villain:** I'm going to defeat you with the power of friendship and this gun I found.

* * *

**Michiru:** When you wish upon a star~

**Shirou:** Nothing happens.


	2. (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here’s more :)

**Shirou:** Michiru, we tried things your own way.

**Michiru:** No, we didn’t.

**Shirou:** I did it in my head and it didn’t work.

* * *

**Nazuna:** I think you’re still suffering the effects of your party last night.

**Michiru:** All I did was drink Redbull!

**Nazuna:** How many?

**Michiru:** Eighteen.

* * *

**Michiru:** I wasn’t hurt that badly. The doctor said my bleeding was internal. That’s where the blood’s supposed to be.

* * *

**Nazuna:** Michiru, can I speak with you for a minute? In private?

**Michiru:** Ooh, someone’s in trouble. It’s me. I don’t why I did that.

* * *

** (Marie, after hearing Michiru’s plan) **

**Marie:** That sounds like a terrible plan!

**Shirou:** Oh, we've had worse.

* * *

**Shirou:** You either buckle down and do your work or you’ll end up at McDonald’s.

**Michiru:** We going to McDonald’s if I don’t do my work?

**Shirou:** No.

* * *

** (Shirou, after locking Michiru in the car.) **

**Shirou:** Act like a child, get treated like a child.

**Michiru:** What? Isn’t it illegal to leave a child locked in a car?

* * *

**Nazuna:** A good romance begins with a good friendship.

**Michiru:** A bad romance begins with ra-ra-ra-a-a-ro-ma-ro-ma-ma.

* * *

**Michiru:** What did you guys get in your yearbook?

**Melissa:** Prettiest smile.

**Gem:** Nicest personality.

**Shirou:** “Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one,”

* * *

**Shirou:** It’s a mental breakdown.

**Shirou:** *Off-key kazoo*

* * *

**Michiru, after seeing a bee on Nazuna’s arm:** Uh oh.

**Michiru, rolling up a newspaper:** Babe, stay still.

**Michiru, using newspaper as a megaphone:** _THERE’S A FUCKING BEE ON YOU!!!_

* * *

**Shirou:** Goodnight.

**Nazuna:** Goodnight.

**Michiru:** Sleep tight.

**Nazuna:** Don’t let the bed bugs bite.

**Michiru:** Tonight.

**Nazuna:** Imma fight.

**Michiru:** ‘Till we see the sunlight.

**Nazuna:** Tick Tock.

**Michiru:** On the clock.

**Nazuna:** But the party won’t stop-

**Shirou:** Shut the fuck up.

* * *

**Michiru:** Bro, I got you some shoes. Take a look.

**Nina:** Bro, those are expensive...

**Michiru:** I have the same pair, too. Now we are...

**Michiru:** Solemates.

**Nina:** Bro...

* * *

** (Michiru and Nazuna having an intense staring contest.) **

**Michiru:** *Eyes drying out, but she’s trying genuinely hard not to blink.*

**Nazuna:** *Having the time of her life staring into Michiru’s eyes*

* * *

**Michiru:** Look, sometimes you just have to fulfill the higher tiers of your pyramid of needs okay?

**Shirou:** And that's why you're wearing sunglasses in the bathtub while being fully clothed and eating chicken nuggets out of a wine glass?

**Michiru:** See, now you're getting it. Could you hand me that box of capri-suns?

* * *

**Michiru:** Alright, let’s play Hide and seek.

**Nina:** Okay. Nazuna, you count.

**Nazuna, after counting to 50, sighing heavily:** You would not believe your eyes.

**Michiru, from the bathroom:** IF TEN MILLION FIREFLIES-

* * *

**Nina:** My stomach growled really loud in French.

**Nazuna:** Bonjour.

**Michiru:** Le growl.

**Nina:** I would like to clarify that my stomach did not speak French. It growled in French class. I apologize.

**Nazuna:** Too late.

**Michiru:** _Hon hon hon, feed me a baguette._

* * *

**Nazuna:** Take me to an art museum and hold my hands.

**Michiru:** But, they said not to touch the masterpieces.

**Nazuna:** You smooth motherfucker.

* * *

**Nazuna:** I have written a short list on why Michiru is adorable.

**Shirou:** That’s ten pages. Back to back.

**Nazuna:** I had to keep it brief.

* * *

**Michiru:** I need a glass of boneless ice.

**Shirou:** You need a what?

**Michiru:** Tasteless soup.

**Nazuna:** Water. She needs water.

* * *

**Michiru, stepping out of a closet:** I'm gay.


	3. (3)

**Shirou:** You know, Michiru, I think you’re pretty cool.

**Michiru:** The coolest?

**Shirou:** Don’t ruin it.

* * *

**Alan:** *Stubs toe*

**Alan:** Fuckin’ beastmen.

* * *

**Nazuna:** Shirou, where are you going?

**Shirou:** To seek the company of anyone around here who’s got any sense.

**Michiru:** And, who’s that?

**Shirou:** Myself.

* * *

**Nina:** Hey, Michiru, you got any good stories?

**Michiru:** Well, a duck walked up to a lemonade stand-

* * *

**Michiru, in jail:** So, are you guys familiar with the Cell Block Tango?

* * *

**Michiru:** Jail’s no fun, I can tell you that.

**Shirou:** You’ve been?

**Michiru:** Once. In Monopoly.

* * *

**Alan:** I think I will cause problems on purpose.

* * *

**Shirou:** I have no fears.

**Marie:** What if you woke up one day and Michiru was taller than you?

**Shirou:** …

**Shirou:** I have one fear.

* * *

**Michiru:** Are you mad?

**Shirou:** No.

**Michiru:** So, sharpening knives at 2 AM is just a hobby?

* * *

**Michiru:** Look, I know we don’t meet eye to eye.

**Shirou:** That’s because you’re short.

* * *

**Marie:** Life hack! Glue a tiny mirror onto your drivers license so when you hand it to a cop they get all confused and arrest themselves. Believe me, it works.

* * *

**Shirou, going into beast form:** I’m going feral.

* * *

**Michiru:** If you’re going to be an idiot at least put safety goggles on.

**Michiru:** Practice safe stupidity.

* * *

**Michiru,** **trying to stay positive:** You're only sick if you act like you're sick! If you act like you're healthy, you'll be alright.

**Shirou:** Michiru, you are literally bleeding out right now.

* * *

**Nazuna, opening the first aid kit:** WHY WOULD YOU FILL IT WITH CHEETOS??!!

**Michiru, bleeding out:** It was funny at the time.

* * *

**Nazuna:** In Anima-City, we play the most dangerous game.

**Michiru, nodding her head:** Yes, Knife Monopoly.

**Nazuna:** I was going to say Baseball, but now I'm curious as to what Knife Monopoly is.

* * *

**Michiru:** Are you alright? You didn’t sleep at all last night.

**Shirou:** I got a solid eight minutes.

**Shirou:** Not consecutively, but it’s still fine. You’re not even that blurry.

* * *

**Nina:** What did you have for breakfast this morning?

**Michiru:** Smarties cereal.

**Nina:** I didn’t know they made Smarties cereal.

**Michiru:** They don’t. I just put Smarties in a bowl of milk.

* * *

**Michiru:** Alright, let's go over the plan one more time. If one of us dies, what will we do?

**Nazuna:** Locate the corpse and move the body so it looks like they’re dabbing.

**Nina:** *Nodding*

**Michiru:** Exactly. I think we’re ready.

* * *

**Nazuna:** One time, I walked into a party and said “Hit the lights,” and Michiru punched the light switch and broke it.

* * *

**Shirou:** So, you’re telling me I’m supposed to squeeze the stress ball and not throw it at whoever’s stressing me out?

* * *

**Shirou:** We need to think straight.

**Michiru:** Well, shit.

**Shirou:** Michiru, now is not the time.

* * *

**Marie:** I want to go on a shopping trip where I’m the only one in the mall and everything is free.

**Michiru:** Marie, that’s called a robbery.

**Marie:** So be it.

* * *

**Marie:** What are some of the hardest things to say?

**Shirou:** I was wrong.

**Nazuna:** I need help.

**Michiru:** Worcestershire sauce.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since you've made it this far, I would like to advertise my Tumblr: @alex-vifor   
> I apologize for advertising. :pensive:


	4. (4)

**Michiru:** So, I could either bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes, or 4,000 degrees for 1 minutes.

**Nina:** Michiru, no! THAT’S NOT HOW YOU BAKE COOKIES FRIEND!!

**Michiru:** Floor it??

**Nazuna:** MICHIRU, NO!

**Michiru:** HOW ABOUT 4,000,000 DEGREES FOR 1 SECOND!!??

**Shirou:** Michiru, you are going to burn the house down!

**Michiru:** I’M GOING TO HARNESS THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES!!!

**Nazuna:** MICHIRU P L E A S E ! !

* * *

**Michiru, looking on her phone:** Some idiot tried to fight a squid at the aquarium today.

**Shirou, covered in ink:** Well, maybe the squid was being a jerk.

* * *

**Nina:** How long are we going to let her do that?

**Nazuna:** Just give her a minute.

**Michiru:** *Pushing a door that says pull.*

* * *

**Michiru:** ‘You’re so full of yourself’ is such a weird expression. What else would I be full of? Bees? STYROFOAM?!

* * *

**Nina:** Is there a word that’s a mix between sad and mad?

**Nazuna:** Malcontented, disgruntled, miserable, desolate-

**Michiru:** Smad.

* * *

**Michiru:** Do you think I could fit fifteen marshmallows into my mouth?

**Shirou:** You’re a hazard to society.

**Marie:** And a coward. Do twenty!

* * *

**Shirou:** *Pulls out a knife.*

**Michiru:** Oh no.

**Shirou:** *Opens a box with it.*

**Michiru:** Oh, okay.

**Shirou:** *Pulls out gun from the box.*

**Michiru:** Oh no.

* * *

**Nazuna:** Did you tell anybody we’re dating?

**Michiru:** Yes. I have no self control and told everybody.

**Nazuna:** Okay, no need to be sarcastic.

**Michiru:** No, seriously. I have no self control and told everybody we’re dating.

* * *

**Shirou, setting down a card:** Ace of spades.

**Nina, pulling out an uno card:** +4!

**Michiru, pulling out a Pokemon card:** Pikachu, I choose you!

**Nazuna, trembling:** W-What are we playing?

* * *

**Michiru:** I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?

**Shirou:** … The good news?

**Michiru:** It is very unlikely that I will ever, EVER, do it again.

* * *

**Nazuna:** Should I be concerned?

**Shirou, carrying a body:** Just making some tea.

* * *

**Michiru:** Why is my hand shaking?

**Marie:** Your skeleton is ready to hatch.

**Michiru:** This is so ominous. Thank you.

* * *

**Michiru:** I got you a nice hot cup of coffee.

**Shirou:** It’s cold.

**Michiru:** Nice cup of coffee.

**Shirou:** It’s horrible.

**Michiru:** Cup of coffee.

**Shirou:** I’m not even sure this is coffee.

**Michiru:** Cup.

* * *

**Nina:** What’s it called when you kill a friend?

**Michiru:** Homiecide.

**Shirou:** Murder.

**Nazuna:** Homiecide.

* * *

**Shirou:** Does anyone else have those people that you’re friends with but you don’t know why and they annoy the hell out of you?

* * *

**Michiru:** Once, in the 5th grade, this kid called me a homo and I thought it meant homeless. So I told him “Jeremy you’ve been to my house.”

* * *

**Shirou, after his alarm wakes him up:** In an unfortunate development, I am now awake.

* * *

**Shirou:** I accidentally showed weakness earlier today. It was absolutely disgusting. I would not recommend it.

* * *

**Shirou:** A good response to “How old are you?” is something along the lines of “Dunno. Stopped counting after the first few centuries.”

* * *

**Nazuna:** You know, Shirou would take a bullet for you.

**Michiru:** Shirou would take a bullet for fun.

* * *

**Shirou:** You shouldn’t fight anyone smarter than you.

**Michiru:** Oh please! Everyone I’ve fought is smarter than me, and I haven't been beaten yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More soon to come... Hopefully.


	5. Update

Hey, Alex, author, here. I know this isn’t what you expected to find when seeing another chapter had been added. I just want to apologize for not updating in, like, a week. I’ve been a bit busy, and finding more quotes has been a bit hard. Don’t worry, I’ll, hopefully, update this soon. I just wanted to let you guys know I’m not dead. [Here’s this thing I made a while back to make up for this chapter.](https://alex-vifor.tumblr.com/post/622760492486770688/shirou-is-michirus-dad-now-and-you-cant-change)


	6. (5)

**Michiru:** Is that the new “or else” look?

**Shirou:** Yes.

**Michiru:** Wow.

**Shirou:** I have recently added it to my repertoire. Is it threatening?

**Michiru:** Extremely.

**Shirou:** Good.

* * *

**Michiru:** Good morning!

**Nazuna:** Good morning.

**Nina:** Good morning.

**Shirou:** You all sound like robots. Try spicing it up a bit. 

**Marie:** MORNING, SLUTS!

* * *

**Shirou:** What was that noise?

**Michiru, after smashing open a pickle jar:** The sound of victory.

* * *

**Nazuna:** Are leaves called leaves because they leave the tree?

**Michiru:** Do they even want to leave, though? What if the tree MAKES them leave?

**Shirou:** I am begging you two to talk about anything else.

* * *

**Michiru:** Hey, Shirou, in your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity?

**Shirou:** How tall are you?

* * *

**Michiru:** What happens when you microwave grapes?

(Ten minutes later.)

**Michiru:** THEY EXPLODE!

* * *

**Michiru:** C’mon, Nazuna. I wasn’t that drunk.

**Nazuna:** You tried to color my face with a highlighter because you said I was important.

**Michiru:** That’s because you are!

* * *

**Shirou, holding Michiru:** Don’t talk to me or my daughter ever again.

**Michiru’s mom:** That’s my daughter, though.

**Shirou:** ...

**Michiru’s mom:** ...

**Shirou:** Don’t talk to me or _your_ daughter ever again.

* * *

**Michiru, giving Nazuna a pretty rock:** I love you.

* * *

**Michiru:** How do I politely tell someone I want to smash their face with a brick several times?

**Shirou:** One wishes to acquaint your facial structure with a rigidly shaped object fundamentally used in the construction of walls. Repeatedly.

**Michiru:** ... That was poetry.

**Nazuna:** That was a cry for therapy from both of you.

* * *

**Shirou:** An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.

* * *

**Michiru:** What if I poured coffee instead of milk into my cereal?

**Shirou, taking the coffee pot as he walks by:** What if... You didn’t?

* * *

**Michiru:** I just discovered a trick! If you make brownies but don’t cut them, you can eat the whole slab and say you only ate one brownie.

[One hour later]

**Michiru:** Do NOT do this-

* * *

**Michiru:** I need an adult.

**Marie:** I am an adult. 

**Michiru:** I need a better adult.

* * *

**Michiru:** Are you a morning or night person?

**Shirou:** I’m barely even a person.

* * *

**Michiru:** I did a bad thing.

**Marie:** Does it affect me?

**Michiru:** No?

**Marie:** Then suffer in silence.

* * *

**Nazuna:** So, what do you have planned for the future?

**Michiru:** Lunch.

**Nazuna:** No, like, long term.

**Michiru:** Dinner.

* * *

**Michiru, staring at a wall:** ...

**Nazuna:** Michiru, what’s wrong?

**Michiru:** Did you know that ‘rap’ stands for ‘rhyme and poetry’?

**Nazuna:** ...

**Nazuna:** *Sits down and joins Michiru in staring at the wall*

* * *

**Michiru, about Shirou:** He's so serious. I wonder what he's thinking about.

**Nazuna:** Huh. Same...

**Shirou, internally:** *Wii music*

* * *

**Shirou:** Michiru, I need you to swear-

**Michiru:** Fuck!

**Shirou:** ...

**Shirou:** I meant like a promise.

* * *

**Reporter:** Nazuna, do you support gay rights?

**Nazuna:** I am gay.

**Reporter:** _She's dodging the question!_

* * *

**Marie:** Okay, so let me get this straight-

**Nina:** More like, let me run this bi you.

**Shirou:** We should ace-ess the situation.

**Michiru:** I'm gay.

* * *

**Shirou:** I hate being touched.

**Melissa:** Michiru is hugging you right now.

**Shirou:** This isn't about her.

* * *

**Michiru:** In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

**Shirou:** Wasn't Marie with you?

**Marie:** In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.


	7. (6)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the late update. I got absorbed into another media for a while and didn't think about this. But, at least I'm back with more quotes! Hope you enjoy!

**Nazuna:** Aw geez, I cut my finger.

**Michiru, running over to Nazuna:** Wee woo wee woo

**Nazuna:** What?

**Michiru, after putting a band aid on Nazuna's finger and running off:** Wee woo wee woo

* * *

  
**Shirou:** _*Skips to the end of the movie*_

**Michiru:** You can't just skip to the happy ending.

**Shirou:** I don't have time for their problems.

* * *

**Michiru:** Remember, Marie, no jokes!

**Marie:** With you wearing that suit, I don't need to tell jokes.

* * *

**Michiru, on the phone:** What do you mean you're being murdered?

**Michiru:** That's illegal! People can't do that!

* * *

**Michiru:** I have an excellent gaydar! I can determine if anyone is gay or not with just a glance!

**Nazuna:** I've been in love with you for months.

**Michiru:** Wait, YOU'VE WHAT-

* * *

**Shirou, hoarsely:** I think I'm losing my voice.

**Michiru:** Ha! That means you can't yell at us anymore!

**[Later that day.]**

**Michiru:** Turns out, Shirou is scarier when he's quiet.

* * *

**Michiru:** Hey. Hey hey. Hey, Shirou.

**Shirou:** What?

**Michiru:** Cupcakes are just fancy muffins.

**Shirou:** ...

**Shirou:** I hate you.

* * *

**Shirou:** So, what are the roles in this little group of yours?

**Michiru:** I do most of the exploration.

**Nina:** I do the research.

**Nazuna:** I make good decisions.

**Shirou:** That's not really-

**Michiru:** Trust me, she's our most important member.

* * *

**Nazuna:** My tea is quite good. What is it called?

**Michiru:** I call it boiled Gatorade.

* * *

**Shirou:** Don't worry, I have a few knives up my sleeves.

**Nazuna:** I think you mean cards.

**Michiru:** He did not.

**Shirou, pulling knives from his sleeves:** I did not.

* * *

**Michiru:** I remember when I was seven and late in elementary school, I'd be like "My mom made me late," and my teacher would say some dumb shit, like "It's your own responsibility to make sure you're here on time,”

**Michiru:** I was seven years old. The hell you want me to do? Drive the car?

* * *

**[Michiru make a group chat between Nazuna, Nina, and herself.]**

**Michiru:** Nazuna, I've always had a crush on you.

**Nazuna:** Okay. But why is Nina here?

**Michiru:** She's here for moral support.

**Nina:** I'm here for you, girl.

**Nina:** Do your thing.

* * *

**[Nazuna starts choking.]**

**Michiru:** I'M TRYING TO CALL 911 BUT THE '9' BUTTON ISN'T WORKING!

**Nina:** JUST FLIP YOUR PHONE UPSIDE DOWN AND USE '6'!

**Nazuna, stops choking for a second:** What the fu-

* * *

**Shirou:** I'm having a child.

**Michiru:** Congragulations-

**Shirou, slamming adoption papers on the table:** It's you, sign here, please.

* * *

**Nina:** What if you hit your alarm clock in the morning and it hits you back?

**Michiru:** That would be very _alarming._

**Shirou:** Get out.

* * *

**Michiru:** Let's not fight, the stress is bad for the baby.

**Shirou:** What baby?

**Michiru:** Me.

* * *

**Michiru:** Do blind people see dreams?

**Nazuna:** Do deaf people hear thoughts?

**Shirou:** Do both of you ever shut up?

* * *

**Michiru:** Wait, did you just flirt with me?

**Nazuna:** I have been for the past three months, but thanks for noticing.

* * *

**Michiru:** Can I ask you a favor?

**Nazuna:** I would literally die for you, but go on.

**Michiru:** We have got to talk about you starting sentences that way.

* * *

**Michiru:** Hey, Shirou, try and guess what number I'm thinking of.

**Shirou, sighing:** 69?

**Michiru:** That's actually really immature and I wish you would take this seriously.

**Shirou:** 420?

**Michiru:** Hehe, yeah. It was 420.

* * *

**Nazuna:** I left a little note in your bag to tell you I love you.

**Michiru:** Nazuna, this is a ten-page letter.

* * *

**Shirou, answering the phone:** What?

**Michiru:** It's Michiru.

**Shirou:** Oh god, what did she do this time?

**Michirou:** No, it's me. Michiru.

**Shirou:** What did you do this time?

* * *

**Michiru:** Hey, Shirou, there's updog in here.

**Shirou:** What's updog?

**Michiru, crying:** Holy shit, it actually worked.

**Shirou:** Michiru, what is updog?

**Michiru:** I don't know, what up with you?

**Shirou:** That doesn't answer my question.

* * *

**[Michiru, Nazuna, and Nina sitting on a bench.]**

**Shirou:** Why do you guys look so sad?

**Michiru:** Sit down and we'll tell you.

**[Shirou sits with them.]**

**Nazuna:** The bench is freshly painted.

**Shirou:** ...

* * *

**Shirou:** How'd the date go?

**Michiru:** I wanted to compliment Nazuna, you know? Tell her she has a wonderful smile and all that.

**Shioru:** What happened?

**Michiru:** She smiled at me and I said "You have eyes,"

* * *

**Shirou:** Since I’m going out to the market for a while, I’ve left all of you a complimentary bowl of advice.

**Shirou, picking a piece of paper out of the bowl:** For instance, “Michiru, stop doing that,” just applies to everything.


	8. (7) Quote Submissions from Tumblr

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO SORRY for not updating this in, like, a month. I made an Incorrect BNA Quotes tumblr blog, and a BNA server. The links are here: Tumblr blog - https://incorrect-bna-quotes.tumblr.com/ || Discord server - https://discord.gg/ || Anyways, this chapter consists of the quote submissions from the blog. I should update this soon after this chapter. Anyways, I really hope you guys enjoy this chapter :)

Quote submitted by andrewmoocow on Tumblr

**Michiru** : The Internet is not so bad, just ask my dad!

**Shirou, over the phone** : I’m not your dad.

* * *

Quote submitted by pandanoko01 on Tumblr

**Alan:** Hello, Shirou.

**Shirou:** Alan, Good to see you. But if you’re here, then who’s guarding Hades?

* * *

Quotes submitted by cinnamonzor on Tumblr

**Michiru:** So… me and Nazuna kissed.

**Marie:** _[shatters mug in hand]_

**Michiru:** _HOLY FUCK ARE YOU OKAY???_

**Marie:** Just bleeding. Keep talking. I wanna hear every detail.

* * *

**Marie:** It’s not illegal.

**Tachiki, staring into Marie’s car trunk, which is full of bread:** It’s just… There’s so much-

**Marie:** But it’s not illegal.

**Tachiki:** …

* * *

**Shirou:** I finally got eight hours of sleep.

**Shirou:** Took me four days, but I got ‘em.

* * *

**Marie:** Reblog if you’re gay, shy, or a fucking idiot.

**Michiru:** How about all three?

* * *

**Nazuna, waking to find Valentine’s Day memes taped all over the walls:** Goddammit, this is the fourth year in a row.

**Michiru:** _[snickers from the hallway]_

* * *

**Michiru:** And that concludes my presentation on why Nazuna is the hottest.

**Mayor Rose:** Kagemori, this is a meeting to discuss battle plans.

**Michiru:** Yeah. Nazuna distracts the enemy so Shirou can stab them.

**Mayor Rose:** Please talk some sense into her.

**Shirou:** Why? I get to stab someone.

* * *

**Mayor Rose:** My policy is “if you see something, say something.”

**Michiru, raising her hand:** I saw a frog on the sidewalk today.

**Mayor Rose:** Outstanding. This is what I’m talking about, people.

* * *

**Michiru:** Anyone wanna get into an argument with me?

**Shirou:** Okay. Cream cheese isn’t that good.

**Michiru:** I was kidding, but you know what? _Fuck you for real._

* * *

**Michiru:** I was wondering if you could help me out-

**Marie:** Say no more. Here’s a bunch of explosives.

**Michiru:** Nope. Different thing.

* * *

**Marie:** You can control humans by giving them cheese.

**Michiru:** But cheese is so good though!

**Marie:** Got one.

* * *

**Michiru:** What’s the hardest thing to say?

**Nazuna:** “I was wrong.”

**Shirou:** “I need help.”

**Jackie:** “Worcestershire sauce.”

* * *

**Michiru:** Truth or Dare?

**Shirou:** Truth.

**Michiru:** How many hours of sleep did you get this week?

**Shirou:**

**Shirou:** Dare, then.

**Michiru:** I dare you to go to bed.

**Shirou:** I don’t like this game.

* * *

**Michiru:** But can a neurotypical person do THIS?

**Michiru:** _[immediately forgets what she was talking about]_

* * *

**Shirou:** Hey, Michiru, can I take you to my therapist? He thinks I’m making you up.

* * *

**Pinga:** Remember kids! Be yourself, stay healthy, commit arson, steal from the government, eat the ri-!

**Shirou:** Okay, that’s enough.

* * *

**Jackie:** Ms. Nazuna?

**Nazuna:** Yes?

**Jackie:** Can a person breathe in a washing machine while it’s on?

**Nazuna:**

**Nazuna:** Where’s Michiru?

* * *

**Shirou:** I’m a reverse-necromancer.

**Michiru:** Isn’t that just killing people?

**Shirou:** Pssh. Technicality.

* * *

**Michiru:** Why are any of us here, really?

**Sylvasta Pharmaceuticals Security Guard:** I’m asking about you specifically.

* * *

**Alan:** You’d be stupid to lay a hand on me.

**Shirou:** Oh, you’d be surprised how much stupid shit I do.

* * *

**Michiru:** You know, Shirou, you can’t spell “independent” without “dependent.”

**Shirou:** And you can’t spell “go fuck yourself” without “fuck you.”

* * *

**Shirou:** _[tries to create a sense of calm by lighting incense only to find out the sticks were actually sparklers]_

**Shirou:** This is actually painfully on-brand for me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this isn't as long as the usual chapters. I promise the next chapter will be longer.


	9. (8)

**Michiru:** HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE!

_**[Michiru proceeds to throw a water bottle at Marie's head.]** _

**Nazuna:** Uh...

 **Shirou:** She's trying to yell good mental health and well being into us.

 **Michiru:** I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU!!

 **Nazuna, crying:** It's workng.

* * *

**Michiru:** Would you say you have top or bottom energy?

 **Shirou:** I just want energy.

* * *

**Nazuna:** You... You have a face.

 **Michiru:** Y-yes? Yes, I do.

 **Nazuna:** I mean, a nice face. You have a nice face.

 **Michiru:** Thanks, I think.

 **Nazuna:** Please accept my attempt at flirting. I have no idea what I'm doing.

* * *

**Shirou:** Hey, Nazuna, what do you want for Christmas?

 **Nazuna, looking over at Michiru and sighing lovingly:** I already have everything I could possibly want.

 **Shirou, gagging and walking away:** You're getting a keychain, you useless lesbian.

* * *

**Shirou:** You know what? You're in time out. Get on top of the fridge. Get up there.

 **Michiru, climbing on top the fridge:** This house is a FUCKING NIGHTMARE!

* * *

**Michiru:** It's okay, I've got a plan.

 **Shirou:** Is this like all your other plans?

* * *

**Nazuna:** My hands are cold...

 **Michiru, grabbing Nazuna's hands:** Here!

 **Nazuna, blushing:**... my lips are cold, too-

* * *

**Michiru:** Look! I made a spoon hat!

 **Shirou:** Well, that explains why I'm having soup with a fork.

* * *

**Shirou:** Shoutout to the clerk at the store who looked at the cookbook I was buying, looked at the book on poison I was also buying, paused, and asked if I had big weekend plans.

* * *

**Marie:** If my dead body starts fighting back, oops.

 **Shirou:** Okay, first off, “oops” is not something you would say if your corpse becomes reanimated and starts fighting me. That’s the sort of thing that you say if you accidentally spill only berries into your cereal. “Oops! All berries!” Not, “Oops! Oh my god, my reanimated corpse is about to strangle you to death!”

* * *

**Shirou:** Which one of you is clingier?

 **Michiru, with her arms and legs wrapped around Nazuna and cheek on cheek:** Definitely Nazuna.

* * *

**[Michiru in her bird form, flying.]**

**Shirou, calling her:** Where are you?

 **Michiru:** Above a cloud shaped like a lion.

 **Shirou:** Could you be more specific?

 **Michiru:** Above a cloud shaped like Simba?

* * *

**Nina:** Nazuna just texted me "lmao" from across the room.

 **Nina:** And yet I hear no laughter.

 **Nina:** I'm friends with a laugh liar.

* * *

**Michiru:** I can make any kind of balloon animal!

 **Michiru:**... As long as it's a worm... Or a snake.

* * *

**Shirou:** Do you have a plan? Or are going to go all willy nilly and barge in there?

 **Michiru:** You know willy nilly barging is a plan.

* * *

_**[Shirou, Michiru, Nazuna, Nina, Pinga, Marie, and Mayor Rose are all standing around a broken coffee maker.]** _

**Mayor Rose:** So, who broke it?

 **Everyone:**...

 **Mayor Rose:** I'm not mad, I just want to know.

 **Michiru:** I did it. I broke it.

 **Mayor Rose:** No, no you didn't.

 **Mayor Rose:** Nina?

 **Nina:** Don't look at me.

 **Nina:** Look at Nazuna.

 **Nazuna:** What!? I didn't break it!

 **Nina:** Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?

 **Nazuna:** Because it's sitting right in front of us. And it's _broken._

 **Nina:** Hmm, suspicious.

 **Nazuna:** No, it's not!

 **Marie:** If it matters, probably not, but, Pinga was the last one to use it.

 **Pinga:** Liar! I don't even drink that crap!

 **Marie:** Oh, really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

 **Pinga:** I use the wooden stirs to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that! _Marie!_

 **Michiru:** Let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Mayor.

 **Mayor Rose:** No! Who broke it?

 **Nazuna:** Mayor... Shirou's been awfully quiet.

 **Shirou, scoffing:** Really!?

 **Shirou:** Oh my god-

**_[Everyone starts arguing.]_ **

**Mayor Rose:** I broke it.

 **Mayor Rose:** It burnt my hand so I punched it.

 **Mayor Rose:** I predict ten minutes from now they'll be at each others throats with war paint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.

 **Mayor Rose:** Good. It was getting a little chummy down here.

* * *

**Shirou:** I have excellent memory, I never forget anything.

 **Michiru:** You once left me in the store for a whole day.

 **Shirou:** That was on purpose.

* * *

**Michiru:** I’m sick of people saying that i have to “go to the hospital” and that I’ve “lost a lot of blood.” Its my stab wound not yours! Stay out of it!

* * *

**Marie:** I would like to offer some friendly advice.

 **Shirou:** I don't want your advice.

 **Marie:** Well then consider it unfriendly, jerk.

* * *

**Michiru:** Who brings a knife to a casual game night?

 **Marie, pulling out a knife:** The prepared.

* * *

**Michiru:** I never cry!

 **Nazuna:** Yesterday you were crying about snakes.

 **Michiru, tearing up:** They don't have arms!

* * *

**Michiru:** Okay, here's the plan: Step one - Get the plan. Step two - Do the plan.

* * *

**Shirou:** The quickest way to a man's heart is through the 4th and 5th ribs.

* * *

**Marie:** We handle this the way that we always do.

 **Shirou:** Brute strength?

 **Michiru:** Almost dying?

 **Marie:** No!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's the ongoing joke that Shirou won't hesitate to use violence in these, but Marie also won't hesitate to stab a bitch.


End file.
